by Kathy Gates
When an imbalance of emotions happens, the flood can be so
strong that you may lose control, despite your better judgment.
In order to function at your best, it’s important that you
learn to balance your emotions. Learning how to express upset,
hurt, anger without condemning others, without blaming, without
alienating others will help you fit in with others, create
relationships, make choices based on what you need and want.
When you feel “down”, what does that really mean? Lonely?
Tired? Hungry? All those require a different balance. Let’s
look at some common feelings and ways to counterbalance them.
You’re feeling overwhelmed
Instead of staying stuck in “what to do first/next”, decide to
do something, whether that’s the absolutely very best thing or
not. By taking a few small actions you’ll signal your brain
that you’re in control, the overwhelm will diminish, and you’ll
be able to think more clearly. My mom used to say “pick a tree
and start chopping”.
We all have a tendency to slug away at life. But consider that
you may be concentrating your effort too much in one place --
the job, the kids, the house. When your physical energy is out
of balance, it also throws the mental and emotional balance out
of whack as well. Instead, balance the exhaustion with some
genuine self care. If you find that it’s a chronic problem,
try working on larger goals that help to achieve a common
purpose, instead of being tied up in the superficial things.
Frustration generally comes from thwarted activities. Some
days you can feel like the boss, your kids, or other demands
are pulling all the strings and you have no control. Balance
this with consciously looking at what you are saying “yes” to,
and see if it’s what you really want in your life. Take a hard
look at your strategy. Do you have clear cut action steps, or
are they vague? Balance the frustration by having a plan to
actively and consciously create the life you want. This helps
offset the feelings of others running your life.
The thing to understand about resentment is that it’s a
secondary emotion, one that follows hurt, anger. If you are
taken advantage of or treated in a way you perceive to be
unfair one time, you may feel hurt or angry, but not likely
resentment. It will only be after being treated unfairly over
and over that you will build resentment. Balance the building
of resentment by speaking up. “I thought we agreed to not
charge anything on the credit card so we could pay them off.
It feels unfair and dishonest that you put a charge on here
without discussing it with me. Could you explain your decision
to me?” Balance this emotion by not holding on to the anger,
or hurt, but instead voicing your concerns as early as
Poor diet, lack of sleep and exercise can also lead to an
imbalance in your body, and therefore contribute to an
imbalance in your emotions. Let’s face it -- people who are
tired and hungry are cranky!
So take a look at simple logistics and see if you can find a
root case of an emotion. Work on that, and other things will
balance out as well.
Kathy Gates is a Certified Emotional Intelligence Coach in
Scottsdale Arizona who specializes in focus and motivation.
She will coach you via email or telephone, your choice. Take a
look at Real Life Coach, then contact her at
firstname.lastname@example.org, or call