Balancing Emotions

By Kathy Gates

When an imbalance of emotions happens, the flood can be so strong that you may lose control, despite your better judgment.

In order to function at your best, it’s important that you learn to balance your emotions.  Learning how to express upset, hurt, anger without condemning others, without blaming, without alienating others will help you fit in with others, create relationships, make choices based on what you need and want. 

When you feel “down”, what does that really mean?  Lonely? Tired?  Hungry?  All those require a different balance.  Let’s look at some common feelings and ways to counterbalance them. 

You’re feeling overwhelmed 

Instead of staying stuck in “what to do first/next”, decide to do something, whether that’s the absolutely very best thing or not.  By taking a few small actions you’ll signal your brain that you’re in control, the overwhelm will diminish, and you’ll be able to think more clearly.  My mom used to say “pick a tree and start chopping”. 

You’re Beat/Tired/Exhausted

We all have a tendency to slug away at life.  But consider that you may be concentrating your effort too much in one place -- the job, the kids, the house.  When your physical energy is out of balance, it also throws the mental and emotional balance out of whack as well.  Instead, balance the exhaustion with some genuine self care.  If you find that it’s a chronic problem, try working on larger goals that help to achieve a common purpose, instead of being tied up in the superficial things. 

You’re Frustrated

Frustration generally comes from thwarted activities.  Some days you can feel like the boss, your kids, or other demands are pulling all the strings and you have no control.  Balance this with consciously looking at what you are saying “yes” to, and see if it’s what you really want in your life.  Take a hard look at your strategy.  Do you have clear cut action steps, or are they vague?  Balance the frustration by having a plan to actively and consciously create the life you want.  This helps offset the feelings of others running your life. 

You’re Resentful 

The thing to understand about resentment is that it’s a secondary emotion, one that follows hurt, anger.  If you are taken advantage of or treated in a way you perceive to be unfair one time, you may feel hurt or angry, but not likely resentment.  It will only be after being treated unfairly over and over that you will build resentment.  Balance the building of resentment by speaking up.  “I thought we agreed to not charge anything on the credit card so we could pay them off. It feels unfair and dishonest that you put a charge on here without discussing it with me.  Could you explain your decision to me?”  Balance this emotion by not holding on to the anger, or hurt, but instead voicing your concerns as early as possible. 

Poor diet, lack of sleep and exercise can also lead to an imbalance in your body, and therefore contribute to an imbalance in your emotions.  Let’s face it -- people who are tired and hungry are cranky! 

So take a look at simple logistics and see if you can find a root case of an emotion.  Work on that, and other things will balance out as well. 

Kathy Gates is a Certified Emotional Intelligence Coach in Scottsdale Arizona who specializes in focus and motivation.  She will coach you via email or telephone, your choice.  Take a look at Real Life Coach, then contact her at kathy@reallifecoach.com, or call 480.998.5843.