How To Find Your Real Self Again
by Kathy Gates
On the surface it seems an odd idea that you could actually be
anything other than who you really are. But from the time we
can talk, we're being programmed to "fit in". We find ourselves
conforming in order to please the people we love, and who love
But sometimes that means that you have to suppress what you know
is the real person inside.
And yet, your relationship with yourself is the most important
relationship you'll ever have. Without a healthy relationship
with yourself, it's practically impossible to have healthy
relationships with anyone else.
If you're ready to get re-acquainted with someone you haven't
seen in a while – yourself – start with these ideas to help
you rediscover the real you.
Quiet the noise in your head.
You know those voices well, the ones that are constantly nagging
you to pick up the dry cleaning, talk to the school teacher,
juggle the bills, schedule the vet, keep the boss happy. With
all that noise going on, it will be impossible for you to hear
anything above the din. This MUST be the first step. How do
you do that? By setting up systems, simplifying, and
establishing enough extras in your life to allow you to operate
from a position of abundance, instead of lack.
Practice thinking about yourself in healthy ways.
In order to do that, you must first believe that you are
valuable, and your Real Self has something to offer the world.
Since you talk to yourself more than everyone else in your life
combined --that's a lot of talk!—it's up to YOU to establish the
healthy communication in your thinking. Consciously listen to
how you talk to yourself; write down the unhealthy things you
say; challenge them; and replace them with facts. Self-Talk:
"You never do anything right." Challenge: "Of course I do
things right. I did (example) right. I did (example) right.
This time, I just made a mistake. I'll learn from it and have
better success next time."
Listen to your heart
Sounds easy enough, but by the time we're adults, most of us
have stopped listening to our hearts and go only with our heads.
Those two must reconnect in order to find your real self. It's
easy to become accustomed to thinking about your feelings
instead of really feeling them. Instead of asking yourself what
you think about something, ask why it's important.
Be careful not to get hung-up on a specific goal
What you're really after is a feeling -- respect, love,
appreciation - as opposed to the company car, or a great
guy/girl. Keep an open mind to the feelings, and be willing to
adjust the methods you use to achieve them. Determine not just
your goals, but how it satisfies who you really are. The mask
will come off and your real self will come shining through.
A person you can know and love - you! - is waiting for you to
take the time to listen and understand and accept. When you
accept your Real Self again, you'll make smarter choices, and
those choices will stick because they actually fit who you are.
Now, that's what you're really looking for, isn't it?
Kathy Gates is a Professional Life Coach in Scottsdale Arizona.
If you're ready for something happier in your life, my "Crash
Course To Happiness" Coaching Program is an excellent start for
you. I'll coach you via email or telephone, your choice. Take
a look at http://www.reallifecoach.com,
then contact me at
kathy@ reallifecoach.com, or call 480.998.5843.