1. Ignore Their Fighting
Fighting is often a way for kids to get you to notice them. If
you ignore their fighting (unless weapons are involved) there will be less
incentive for them to do it.
2. Treat Your Kids the Same When it Comes to Fighting
If you get into who started things, you may be training your
kids to be victims and bullies. Put them in the same boat and don't take sides.
3. Give your kids positive reinforcement when they are
Let them know that they're doing a wonderful job when they get
along. This one's easy to forget but vitally important. Give them attention when
they're behaving the way you want.
4. Limit your own fighting and arguing. Your kids will learn how
to be peaceful from you. Don't expect them to do it well if you don't show them
5. Create an environment of cooperation.
Do projects together as a family that involve cooperation. Talk
about how important it is for the family to cooperate. Avoid games or activities
that promote fighting in your kids.
6. Train your kids in peacemaking when they're away from
Talk to your kids about fighting at a time when they're relaxed
and open. Ask them about what other options they might have taken rather than to
hit their sister. Help them to brainstorm better solutions.
7. Avoid punishing your kids in general.
Punishing kids usually just creates angry kids who are more
likely to fight. While some punishment may be inevitable, do your best to give
choices and alternatives. Punishment may bring short term solutions but will
also bring long term problems.
8. Control how you react to their fighting.
When you must intervene, make sure you stay calm. If you're
angry and shaming, you actually make it more likely that fighting will occur
9. Limit the number of fighting opportunities you give your
Think about what has the potential to start fights. Don't buy a
red ball and a blue ball, this may result in a fight by your kids. Buy two red
balls--no fight. Don't have them close to each other when they're tired and
hungry if you can help it.
10. Love your kids for all they're worth
Every day tell them you love them and more importantly, show
them. Kids who feel loved are the least likely to fight. This won't eliminate
it, but the alternative isn't pretty at all.